I'll Be Seeing You

Today I peed bright fluorescent yellow. Just like a highlighter.

I am sure you are saying, gee, TMI, thanks for sharing. Yes, I agree, but now you have to know why.

(Side note: wouldn't that first line make an awesome first line in a middle school novel?)

Last week I noticed I had a little floater in my eye, getting in the way of my vision but not hurting or causing any real problem with my sight. It was just a nuisance.

Sunday night I noticed while riding in the car that headlights passing through my field of vision turned red. Hmmm.... not ok.

Monday morning I called a local opthamologist and explained to the nice receptionist lady what was happening and she said to come over right away, they would fit me in. Hmmmm.... should I be worried yet?

I loaded up a bunch of snacks, books and coloring items for Maddy and we scurried right over.

Lucky for us, the waiting room was filled with lovely senior ladies (my definition of old has officially moved to over 80). One in particular thought Maddy was a cute distraction from her own eye related woes, so she read Maddy stories and talked to her for a good half hour until I was called. Maddy was awesome and very, very well behaved in the exam room where I was given dialating drops for my eyes.

(Side note: why can't those drops be used on a cervix???? Oops, sorry, I know that was for sure TMI.)

Then it was back out to the waiting room for another good 20 minutes.

Finally the doctor saw me, but it was one of those silent exams. I now totally and completely HATE silent exams. It means bad news. I had one last year and we all know how that turned out.

The doctor wanted to refer me to a retinal specialist. He could see bleeding but couldn't tell what was causing it. He wouldn't even attempt to guess. I asked. He had the nice receptionist lady call over to the retinal specialist immediately to make my appointment for the next morning.

***PANIC***

We are almost to the yellow pee part, stay with me.

Marc took the day off to be with me because I was quickly becoming a mess and imagining horrible things: brain tumors, blindness, eye surgery, giant robot hands holding my eyes wide open while I scream, you name it, it went through my head. (This is why I can never have Lasik surgery.)

Luckily, and very, very thankfully, we asked a friend to watch Maddy. Thank you, thank you, thank you, Calley.

We get to the retinal specialist's office and check in and start off our visit with the very nice lady complimenting my hair. Loving that!

Once more into the dialation room.

Back out to wait while my eyes turned to giant black marbles. I looked like a crack addict.

Back in to see Doctor Wonderful. He looked and sounded and acted like he came from old money. And he was my age. I bet he is too classy to talk about yellow pee on his blog. He looked at my eyes quite close up for a long time and decided he also couldn't see what was causing the bleeding so he wanted to have pictures taken.

First I went into the laser beam room. No giant robot hands, but I did have to hold very very still and NOT BLINK! He should have told me to blink as much as I wanted, then I wouldn't blink at all. You tell me not to and suddenly I must blink!!

Then he sent me to the "portrait studio" for my eye photos.

This is what the pictures look like, but this is not mine.

Now we are getting to the bright fluorescent yellow pee.

In this room the photographer took a bunch of pictures of my retinas. He said I could blink as much as I wanted. I don't think I blinked at all. I did, however, ask for 8x10s. He laughed, I loved him. Then he called for the nurse and she gave me shot of fluorescein solution. It traveled from my arm to my eye in less than 20 seconds, then snap, snap, snap the pictures were done. This particular solution allows the doctor to see the blood flow inside my retina. Cool, huh? It makes your blood glow. Very cool. It makes your pee extra, super, duper bright fluorescent yellow. AWESOME!

When I made my first visit to the bathroom after the procedure (at home) I made Marc come and look. Wouldn't you? It was quite bright. I was so impressed. All day I tried to think of something fun to do with my bright fluorescent yellow pee while it lasted. I couldn't think of anything. If there was snow on the ground, maybe...

The results were all very good. I wouldn't have put off telling you until now if it didn't go well. The eye was nice and healthy, no tears (as in holes, not watery eyes), no blood movement in the wrong place, no clumps or lumps or bumps. Everything was right where it should be, looking exactly as it should. It was a simple burst blood vessel. The exact same thing you can get in the front, in the whites of your eyes. It should heal on its own in a few weeks. Come back in a month, we'll look again.

P-H-E-W.

I will never take my vision for granted again.

Ever.

Ever.

Ever.

Let me return for a moment to the waiting room where Marc has been for 1 1/2 hours. While I was gone it filled with a whole host of seniors. When I returned it was Marc and 20 others over the age of 80. He was talking and laughing and chatting away. He had some seriously funny stories to share about his morning waiting for me. He was also moved to tears (watery eyes, not holes) while telling me about it. I will ask him to guest blog about it.

All is well in our house tonight. My vision is safe from robot hands. I have calmed down. Marc and Maddy are wonderful. I will sleep very hard tonight, but first I have to go watch Idol.