Today is the third anniversary of my mother's death. If you didn't know this about me, that means she died 5 days after Maddy was born.
Two days before Maddy was born my mom suffered a severe stroke. She was in Tacoma, WA and I was here, enormously pregnant. There wasn't a thing I could do from here except talk to her on the phone. She could hear me, but could not respond. I still can't believe she never met Maddy. I have a such a terribly difficult time wrapping my head around the idea of one life coming into the world while another one was leaving it, and the two never met. It really is the circle of life, but when it happens to you it just sucks.
I am sharing a few of my last pictures of her with you. The picture above was taken at the rose garden at the Point Defiance park in Tacoma, WA. I love the smile on her face. Marc was with us and we had such a nice, low key day exploring the roses, having lunch and just being together. I found this on her digital camera when I was going through her things.
This picture was taken at the Barnes and Noble near my school. I was among the guest readers for the kids and my mom was in town to help supervise the kitchen remodel in our old house.I just noticed she was wearing the same cruddy old blue fleece vest in both pictures.
My mom was a wonderful person. She was smart, kind, giving, loving, she had friendships that spanned her entire life. I am pretty sure some of my friends liked her more than me, and that was fine by me. She was a military wife and loved retelling the story of how she took three kids on the plane by herself to Izmir, Turkey where my father was waiting, having already been transferred by the Air Force. My brother was 7, I was 4 and my sister was 3 months. She will forever have a Mom gold star for that one. Of course, in her story she never fails to leave out how I threw up on one plane and on another we were bumped to first class because some other passengers insisted we were in their seats. I remember it was PanAm and we were given the coolest coloring sets and pin-on wings.
I miss her so much- words fail to begin to capture it. I miss picking up the phone to tell her something funny Maddy has done. I miss her telling me I did the same thing. I really miss her telling me stories about me at Maddy's age. I wish she could see the cakes I make for Maddy. I wish she could see how amazing Maddy is. I wish she could tell me I am doing a good job, even when I mess up. I wish she could tell me to hang in there on my worst days and cheer for me on my best days. I miss her.
Hug your moms, call your moms, even if they drive you completely bonkers. When she is gone you don't get to have a do-over.
2 comments:
You totally just made me cry. That was a really nice post. Your mom sounds like she was a really great person. She sounds like a great mom and knowing you, who you are, the mom you are, I'm sure that she would be proud of you.
Dear Kathy
I know how much you miss your mom. I feel so helpless when you're sad. I want to pull that sadness from you so you don't need to suffer so much, but I know it's an important part of grieving. I hope I hug you enough and give you enough affection when you're feeling blue. If I'm not comforting you enough, it's ok to tell me. I'll kick it up. I just want to make sure you know how much I want to help you heal those wounds of losing your mom. Time will help, and I'm not sure there's much I can do in the meantime besides hugs and kisses and making sure you know I love you.
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